So I had an interesting conversation with my new hairdresser this weekend. It was about books. As some of you may know, I LOVE to read. I was born loving to read. My favourite book at the age of 2 was Hiawatha and the Bear Hunt and I would follow my mother around the house all day, waiting for her to sit down so I could plop the book in her lap, insisting that she read it. AGAIN. AND AGAIN. Trying to be clever, and save herself time, she would attempt to turn two or three pages at a time, but I was cleverer, and would make her go back, because you just can't skip pages in a book. It's a rule. (Clearly OCD even at the age of 2. There really was no hope). My first box set of books was the Little House on the Prairie series, which I believe I received from my parents when I was about 5 or 6 years old, and I never looked back. Don't get me wrong. I wasn't a NERDY kid. I was totally cool (just like I am now). I read all the cool books, like the Babysitter's Club, and the Sweet Valley series, but I also read the Lord of the Rings at the age of 10 and by 13 was well into Stephen King and memoirs and poetry (that was right around the time my existential angst was starting, so poetry was an important accessory).
Needless to say, I've never understood how people could NOT love books; it's just been such a part of my existence for as long as I can remember. I can't live without them. So when my hairdresser boldly announced on Friday (let's call her....Katie to protect her privacy) that she had only ever read ONE book in her life, I was thankful for both my social work and mediocre acting skills, so that she couldn't see my shock and disdain, not because I was so worried about her feelings, but mostly because she was holding a pair of scissors. She said she'd read Of Mice and Men, because she'd had to read it for school. I nodded and pretended to look impressed, which was at least a little easier to do when she proudly told me that she had gone to the bookstore this week and bought two books: Steve Harvey's "Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment", and "Fifty Shades of Grey". She then told me that she was too ashamed to be seen reading either of them on the subway.
This then prompted me to tell her that I am currently reading Fifty Shades of Grey, and enjoying it. For those of you who don't know, it's classified as 'Erotica' and is basically a fictional novel about a 22 yr old woman who gets into a submissive-dominant relationship with a 27 yr old man. People have all kinds of opinions about this book; interestingly, a lot of these people haven't even read it. It's these opinions that are the exact reason why someone like Katie is ashamed to be seen reading it.
First of all, I've read some hoopla on the Internet that this book is anti-feminist due to the submissive nature of the lead character's relationship with her partner, Christian Grey. Now, I'm a feminist. And by feminist, for those of you who are unclear on the definition, I mean someone who believes in true equity (not equality, there's a difference, look it up, it's an important distinction), fairness and justice for everyone (including men). And I actually disagree with this argument. I actually think compared to some of the pop culture reading out there (Twilight, anyone?) this book actually describes a more equal relationship than many. OKAY WAIT. HEAR ME OUT.
For anyone planning on reading it (MINI SPOILER ALERT)I don't want to give too much away, but in the book, Ana, the protagonist, is in love with Christian Grey, and when he explains the nature of the relationship he would like to be in with her, she willingly chooses to enter into a consensual, dominant-submissive relationship with him. He ensures that she is completely knowledgeable about everything that this will entail and they even sign a contract. This is more equitable that most non-BDSM relationships. (I'm not suggesting that all partners in all relationships should sign contracts, but I think it's hard to argue that someone is being degraded when they have knowingly and willingly signed a contract to play a certain role in a relationship). (MAJOR SPOILER ALERT) Granted, the book does end with her curing him of his need for "dysfunctional" relationships, which I imagine the BDSM community would take issue with, but hey, baby steps. Mainstream literature has adopted a book about BDSM. That's a start.
My second point is that we live in a society in which, despite the rampant sexuality that we are bombarded with, we are pretty uptight about SEX itself. And in mainstream culture, we're pretty conservative. Anything that deviates from the norm tends to be fairly taboo and frowned upon, which is why some people tend to have somewhat of a reaction to people reading a book about sex on the subway. Why is that? People read books about murder on the subway. Murder is awful. Why are we cool with seeing that everywhere? Sex is a natural human activity, a need, in fact, programmed into us, otherwise we'd all just die out. Yet people are ashamed to acknowledge that they are reading a novel that's all about sex. I had a conversation a couple of weeks ago where someone asked me: "Can I ask you why you are reading that?" I refused to be ashamed of my choice of books and responded with "Because it's entertaining", which it is.
I think it's great that a book that falls under the genre of "Erotica" is planted firmly on all of the bestseller shelves in bookstores and that women are excited about reading it. Is it pretty "vanilla" when compared to people who are hardcore into that scene? Yes, I would imagine so. But is it a step in the right direction of bringing things that are outside of the norm into mainstream culture? I'd like to think so. And plus, it's getting people like Katie, who has read ONE BOOK in all of her twenty-something years, excited about reading. So let's not shame her into being afraid to admit that she's reading it.
So anyone who wants to judge people for reading it, read it yourself first before you start throwing stones. You might actually find you enjoy it.
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